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(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2005|03:57 pm]
Today is one of those days that calls for a personal admission - something along of the lines of "I'm just not functioning properly." At least not today.

I woke up late for work, and then proceeded to do absolutely nothing helpful or productive for three hours. All of this with greasy hair.

I was late for class.

I had an exchange with an acquiantance in the library that went something to the tune of "Hey, how are you?" "Great, how are you?" "I'm good, how are you?" "Hangin' in there." In case you didn't pick up on it, I was the one who said "how are you" twice. I need to know when to avoid human interaction. Today would the day for that.

No one in the English department wants to talk to me about my article, which is fine. I understand, but for some reason I'm taking it insanely personally.

When I was home over Easter break, I heard this great exchange. I knew it was great, but when I relayed it to my sister, I realized that it was conversational gold. To set up the scene, I was running on a secluded treadmill. No one nearby, save for one single spandex clad yuppie on an elliptical machine next to me. I could tell she was a hot gym commodity - every other male donning a faded Corporate Cup Run t-shirt that passed by stopped and talked with her. One such person stayed a little longer than the others, and after about five minutes, I slowly turned the volume down on my music and listened intently, amusedly. Keep in mind that both were in their mid-thirties.

M: So that guy I've been seeing Stephanie with...is that her brother?
W: No. (knowing laugh)
M: They're dating?
W: Yes (laugh)
M: He's kind of...
W: Fat?
M: I wasn't going to say it, but yeah. (looks down at bicep)
W: Yeah, we've been giving her shit about it.
M: How old is she?
W: Thirty-six...
M: Man, the first time I saw Stephanie in here three years ago, I would've sworn she was twenty.
W: It's because she's tall.
M: Yeah...I was going to try to move in on her, but if she's in a serious relationship
W: (flicking through the December issue of Allure) Whatever, just flirt with her...maybe she'll come around, realize she likes you better.
M: Maybe...
W: But I don't know...I'm not the one who's married.
M: Yeah, I know. I have baggage. (Pauses to watch a FOX News update across the room, sighs) It's always hard for me to date women because of my baggage.
F: It's okay. It's always hard for me to tell guys that I don't work.
M: Don't work? Trust-fund baby?
W: Ha. No, I just don't work.
M: The free time must be nice.
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(no subject) [Mar. 4th, 2005|09:20 am]
Happy Birthday Keith Petit!
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(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2005|02:27 am]
I need to write something. Pretty much anything. I've been making a lot of lists - scratched coyly on post-its stuck to my thighs, under a desk. I make the lists unnecessarily long because if it's not that, it's nothing.

A list of things I've done recently that deserve some form of attention:
rented "Saw"
picked up a six-month-old paycheck
watched "Saw"
ate some burritos
watched the Oscars

I should probably give further exploration to my Saw fascination. Not so much a fascination. Masochism starring Cary Elwes.
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(no subject) [Dec. 16th, 2004|09:42 am]
Two pages left on my Shakepeare paper.
The construction workers are digging holes and singing songs in Spanish outside my window.

We are still in the process of determining what the holes are for.
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I'm looking in on the good life. [Nov. 14th, 2004|11:29 pm]
I'm 22 now. Last year I gained the right to drink in bars and on the street from bottles nestled in worn paper bags. This year I've gained a palindrome and the sneaking fear that from now on the years will personify themselves as small, numeric bullet trains, hurtling past me faster than I can find responsibility...somewhere...

In this pile of ankle socks and cats.

Friday night we saw Sideways. It's a movie I probably would've seen anyway, but living in Omaha brings a certain obligation to put food on Alexander Payne's depressing table. I liked it - I know more about banjo making than I do about wine, and there was many an uncomfortable moment - but I enjoyed it all the same. There's something strangely soothing about Thomas Hayden Church's voice.

Saturday we ate at the Dell for my birthday dinner. I dragged Mary Clare along in an effort to bridge the ever-closing gap between MC the sibling and MC the slightly younger, shorter and cuter college friend. Annie and Shelley had spent the afternoon planning what I would later find out to be a Barbie-themed party afterwards. Mary Clare chose to return to the dorms, which was probably better. The alternative was to stick around and watch me pass out halfway up the stairs later on that night. Because I am excited by technology, I've posted some pictures of the evening. So now I'm 22. The tiny trains are picking up the pace. I'm not ready, and they don't care.

I'd originally defined the intensity of this semester with fairly tangible tasks and obligations. A full load of credits, an internship at an ad agency that will remain unnamed because I don't want to end up like that Capitol Hill intern who's blog was discovered (resulting in a a job loss and a great deal of public shame), and a position as editor of Creighton's literary mag. And while all of this has left me with small, bloody bald spots at times, nothing has gotten out of control.
I keep eating.
I keep sleeping.
I keep showering, sometimes with soap.

But the last few weeks have caused that intensity to morph from a "Full House"-type drama to a more "Party of Five" inspired stress. Two weeks ago, my dad fell off a stepladder and passed out in my neighbor's driveway. A passerby found him, and they got him to the hospital in good time. Turns out he had some bleeding under his skull (a Heeeeematoma), and they kept him for a few days just to make sure he'd be okay. So he missed a week of class, but was back on his feet pretty soon after.

Cut to three days after that, when, while driving to Web Design at 8am in a cold Omaha drizzle, a Maroon Coup Deville ran the light at 24th and Farnum and gave my '91 Sentra the spanking of its life. In the process of spinning, braking and most likely making animal-like vocalizations, I hurt my knee - developing a Heeeematoma where I'd had ACL surgery a few years back. The Sentra was a lost cause, so Matthias and I jacked my stereo, and I'm currently driving a rented Ford Focus for what could also feed a small country, or at least me, for a good month. I have to get a new car when I go home for Thanksgiving - my mom's been hinting at doing the deed before I get home, which could entail a whore-red '87 Tercel waiting for me in the driveway.

Cut back to this morning, when I awoke at noon to find out that my dad, who they thought was fine, had been ambulanced to St. Mary's after waking up vomiting in the middle of the night with a severe headeach. He had emergency surgery this morning to stop the bleeding in his head. He's still in ICU, but my mom says he's awake now and making the occasional poorly received joke.

So I'd like to believe that everything's fine, but this is hard for a number of reasons. It's hard because right now I just want to be home with my family - with my brothers, watching Law & Order reruns with them, making fun of Paul's tiny mustache, telling them things are going to be okay. It's hard admitting that my dad's at the age where something small like falling off a stepladder could mean something big like internal bleeding and surgery. I don't want to believe that he's getting to the place that I've spent my life dreading he'd reach.

And all of those fears, some unfounded and some completely logical, spiral into worrying about my family's welfare if my dad can't work anymore, etc. I get selfish and worry about work I'd have to make up if I had to go home on short notice. I should probably look at the small picture and hope that he'll be able to eat sugar-free pie with us at Thanksgiving. I haven't had a decently coherent conversation with him in a few weeks, and I miss him.

So this is what being 22 is like and this is what approaching the end of the first half of the last year of college feels like. I don't want to wish away time, but I'm ready for this segment to be over. I can't even remember the last time I allowed myself to completely relax. But there's a cat on my bed and he looks lonely, so for now tension is eased in short spurts of cat-sleeping, and watching Britney Spears lick Snoop Dog's goatee. Then I can go home.
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Bahhhhh.... [Oct. 11th, 2004|01:31 am]
We just peed in our pants for about ten minutes.
Put on your crazy goggles and take a look at this picture.

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(no subject) [Sep. 24th, 2004|12:19 pm]
Everything and everyone is making me feel stupid here. At least today.
Damn that "I'm not going to cry" throat lump.
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Ride on the peace train. [Sep. 22nd, 2004|12:10 pm]
Oh man...
My hands and feet have never been this sweaty in my life.
Case in point: I'm at work. I took off my shoes underneath my desk and stuck stacks of Kleenex to the bottoms of my feet.

God help me.

I'm never going to be able to socialize on a normal level. Especially if anyone here catches me soaking up my perspiration, livejournaling and reading about Cat Steven's endeavors as a suspected terrorist/terrorist supporter.

Now back to these Visa statements.

How's this for a triumphant return to the LJ?
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(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2004|01:38 pm]
Juniper Breeze Body Splash smells like the summer of 1996.
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(no subject) [Jul. 27th, 2004|02:59 pm]
I'm scared that I've been fired from City Limits. I asked for the majority of August off, and now they're hiring a bunch of new people (That means you, Emer!)...I can imagine it being one of those situations where I'll go to check the September schedule and wonder why I'm not on it.

I've found that it's safer to expect the worse.

I'm always waiting for that calm place where there is little to worry about, and I have the feeling that the next scheduled calm place is too far to even see right now. This school year is going to suck the life out of me.

In a good way.

I had an adventure yesterday morning. It's more of a funny story than an adventure, but I'll find a way to make it seem adventurous. Even if it involves fictionalizing most or all of the events.
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